David F. Ross

Stories by David F. Ross

Because She’s Worth It

JANICE
‘Ah canny go yet, Chrissie … the cake’s no’ even been cut.’

CHRISTINE
‘Well ah’m no’ hidin’ in the bogs aw night. This wis a stupid idea. Her an’ I fell oot big style. Whit’ll ah’ dae if she catches me here?’

JANICE
‘Suppose apologisin’ would be oot the question …’

CHRISTINE
‘Ah’ve nuhin’ tae apologise fur, Jan. It wis aw her dain’. She started it …’

JANICE
‘An if ah’ asked her, she’d say the same? Best pals fae nursery an’ noo look at ye’se. No’ speakin’ because ae a daft argument.’

CHRISTINE
‘Mibbe daft tae you. You’ve no’ got blond hair … ye widnae understand.’

JANICE
‘Whit difference does it make who got the Princess Di feather cut first …? The door opens. Lizzie walks in.

JANICE (gulps)
‘Hi Lizzie. Guid pairty, eh? Ye huvin’ a nice t……’

LIZZIE
‘WHIT THE FUCK IS SHE DAIN’ HERE…!?

CHRISTINE
‘It’s a free country … or it wis last time ah checked.’

LIZZIE
‘It’s no’ a FREE hoose, though … so take yer saggy erse, an’ yer Mr T jewellery collection an’ fuck off!’

JANICE
‘Lassies, lassies … there’s nae need f….’

CHRISTINE
‘It’s a pish pairty, anyway. No’ even a bloody DJ or music til efter nine. If ma Franny hud…’

LIZZIE
‘Hud whit? Lost three stone? He’d still be the size ae Arran!’

CHRISTINE
‘At least ah’ve got a man, ya lezzy…’

LIZZIE
‘Aye, wan that’s auld enough tae be yer faither. Come tae think ae it, ye’se look quite alike…’

CHRISTINE
‘LEZZY…!’

JANICE
‘Right, too far Chrissie…’

LIZZIE
‘Ya skanky HOOR, YE…!’

CHRISTINE
‘There’s only wan hoor in here, and we’re baith lookin’ at it…’

JANICE
‘LIZZIE…! CHRISSIE…! Watch the hair…!’

THE END

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Eight Albums

01: The Jam, Setting Sons (1979)
Paul Weller has inspired me in so many ways. I’m far from unique in that respect. The haircuts, the Lonsdale t-shirts, the boating blazers, Dennis the Menace button badges etc … there was an identikit army of us back in the late 70s

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This Is Not A Love Song

Danny and Raymond are brothers. They aren’t close and there has always been tension between them. Raymond is cocksure and aggressive; Danny is quiet and sensitive. Danny has recently returned to their home village after than a decade away. Raymond is in prison for violent assault.
The scene takes

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