JANICE
‘Ah canny go yet, Chrissie … the cake’s no’ even been cut.’
CHRISTINE
‘Well ah’m no’ hidin’ in the bogs aw night. This wis a stupid idea. Her an’ I fell oot big style. Whit’ll ah’ dae if she catches me here?’
JANICE
‘Suppose apologisin’ would be oot the question …’
CHRISTINE
‘Ah’ve nuhin’ tae apologise fur, Jan. It wis aw her dain’. She started it …’
JANICE
‘An if ah’ asked her, she’d say the same? Best pals fae nursery an’ noo look at ye’se. No’ speakin’ because ae a daft argument.’
CHRISTINE
‘Mibbe daft tae you. You’ve no’ got blond hair … ye widnae understand.’
JANICE
‘Whit difference does it make who got the Princess Di feather cut first …? The door opens. Lizzie walks in.
JANICE (gulps)
‘Hi Lizzie. Guid pairty, eh? Ye huvin’ a nice t……’
LIZZIE
‘WHIT THE FUCK IS SHE DAIN’ HERE…!?
CHRISTINE
‘It’s a free country … or it wis last time ah checked.’
LIZZIE
‘It’s no’ a FREE hoose, though … so take yer saggy erse, an’ yer Mr T jewellery collection an’ fuck off!’
JANICE
‘Lassies, lassies … there’s nae need f….’
CHRISTINE
‘It’s a pish pairty, anyway. No’ even a bloody DJ or music til efter nine. If ma Franny hud…’
LIZZIE
‘Hud whit? Lost three stone? He’d still be the size ae Arran!’
CHRISTINE
‘At least ah’ve got a man, ya lezzy…’
LIZZIE
‘Aye, wan that’s auld enough tae be yer faither. Come tae think ae it, ye’se look quite alike…’
CHRISTINE
‘LEZZY…!’
JANICE
‘Right, too far Chrissie…’
LIZZIE
‘Ya skanky HOOR, YE…!’
CHRISTINE
‘There’s only wan hoor in here, and we’re baith lookin’ at it…’
JANICE
‘LIZZIE…! CHRISSIE…! Watch the hair…!’
THE END
The words ‘bucket list’ are used often by people of my generation. Perhaps more regularly by men than women, and probably – as in the following case – to justify a rash decision or an exorbitant expense that would otherwise be considered foolhardy, or hugely self-indulgent. Scotland’s qualification for only
I have a friend who thinks very differently about life. Both of us occupy the same streets, by and large. Our routines are governed by the same seven-day-week time structure, but we don’t have the same resources. We navigate the same seasonal cycles, the comparative freedom of summer and the
Danny and Raymond are brothers. They aren’t close and there has always been tension between them. Raymond is cocksure and aggressive; Danny is quiet and sensitive. Danny has recently returned to their home village after than a decade away. Raymond is in prison for violent assault.
The scene takes
